Ok, so its been slowly destroying my mother. She's been to see a doctor, she's talked everyone's ear off, and basically made everybody sick and tired of hearing the same bullshit that just ends up being a fight between her and i.
So how did we get here? Lets recap. A month before my birthday, my mother calls 4 times in the span of 2 hours to ask my about my birthday. Each time she asks us to give them a date on which they can celebrate my birthday. At this point in time i had no idea what i was going to be doing myself for my own birthday. I was trying to make plans with my friends, but the date had not been set. I tried each time to tell her i could not give her a date at this point, and this was really not a good time to be dealing with this. Well that was not the answer she wanted. So she called until she finally got Jen to answer the phone. She asks Jen to get out the calendar and give her a date right there on the spot. Well this is her MO, she pulls other people into a situation until she gets me to blow up. And i did. I had enough, and a nice little fight broke out.
So here's where things get great. Mom complains all night to my father and my brother. Both of them are great people, and they both want exactly what i want. SILENCE. So when mom gets on a rant they are pushed to the edge too. My brother actually calls me and give me the heads up that my father is coming over to my house to bitch me out. So sure enough, the next day dad shows up. Jen opens the door, and he makes himself comfortable on my couch. The conversation starts out "DAVID, why can't you get along with your mother?!"... well i should have expected this. The goal of his trip was to bitch me out. And that's all he did. There was no conversation, there was just yelling in both directions. He's pissed cause he can't sleep, and i'm pissed cause mom can't fuckin respect my space. So he actually thought this would solve the problem. Sorry dad, not a fuckin chance. You blame me for the fight with mom, great, get the fuck out of my house.
Ok, now there is about 2 months of peace and quiet. Jen and I actually have some time away from them and we are able to pull our lives together. I've been a much better mood because i'm working again, and Jen and I have stopped fighting about money. But meanwhile events are conspiring to destroy all that.
What i do know now is that my mother has been talking to EVERYBODY. My dad, i can understand that, my brother too. My brother's girlfriend Vera, she's getting a earful of all of this. My mother even bumped into a friend of Jen's that teaches at her school. This is a girl whom my mother has met once. So, don't miss and opportunity, she drops all the shit on her too. Then finally my mother is calling Jen's mother Pat. Pat is the most polite person you can imagine. She would never say to my mom, "this is really awkward, i don't think we should be talking about this..." and so my mother drops all her baggage on her too.
Now what has all this talking done. Well first off, my brother got pissed that i was bloggin about all this. So i pulled everything from the blog. Then another round of this got my brother pissed off at me so much he wouldn't call me back on my birthday. My mother was telling him that behind his back Jen and I both talk shit about Vera and him. I've heard a few things from the homefront and i know that around this same point my father had been caught saying "i don't care if i never see him [me] again". But the real jewel is the conversations with Jen's mother.
Early on Jen's mother was told by my mother that "jen had chosen the wrong side", now i really have to give my mother credit for this one. This really fucked me up and pissed off most of the people in the Bermingham family. But what did i expect? Jen's parents during this time are actaully trying to invite them out to dinner and a play, but my parents decline. Then they invite my parents to a birthday party for jen's mother. My mom's response, "we will not come unless david gives his father an apology" This is a beautiful piece of work. Spoken like a true martyr. My mother never would expect an apology for herself, no that would be so.... OK fuck the sarcasm. They do expect an apology. AND before this, i actually thought things were calm enough that it would be a good thing to have them there. I told Jen's father that it's alright to invite them. I would be fine seeing them. Well this was before i heard the apology statement. But in his fatherly manner, good old dad sent me an email explaining that no apology was expected and they really wanted to see me.
i need to take two lines from this email cause they paint a picture so well of what is going on.
"Do you want to try to smooth things out by discussing the situation as adults?"
"Mom and I stand ready, in the interest of peace and understanding, to discuss this matter and hopefully bring about some kind of satisfactory resolution."
Now here's the funny part. I don't think my father ever knew about my mother's ultimatum. She usually doesn't tell him little things like that. So honestly i think my father is innocent and thinks this can be resolved without apology. My mother on the other hand actually pushes her weight around to try to get this apology, while attached to a birthday invitation.
So now the Berminghams are involved. They are no way involved in the dispute that is going between my mother and I, but they have now been involved. Jen is not happy, and i am not happy. For the first time in 3 months, my mother is being herself again. She's pushing for she wants. She does not care about anyone else that she involves. SO... i lost it.
I FUCKED UP BAD. I let her get to me last night. I had finally had enough of the ultimatum. She had called the Berminghams again in order to tell them that they were now in fact still coming to the birthday. She doesn't realize that her pressure is going to ruin the night and make a lot of people angry. I am over the egde. I finally call my mother and tell her that if they go to this party that we will not be there. THIS WAS THE FUCK UP. please take note of it, it is about to be used against me. So what does my mother do? She immediately calls Jen's mother and tells her that we won't be there. She actually pulls that shit. She puts it right in Jen's mother's face and makes her pick between her own daughter, or my parents. So remember i had told Jen's father that everything was going to be cool with my parents. Now he's pissed, and he calls Jen and basically says to her, the party has been cancelled and that we are not invited to anything that they are doing that night.
Now my in-laws are pissed at me, and my wife is crying. My mother has brought my life down around me. I lost control and as soon as i did she took advantage of it. I have nobody to blame but myself. I always get burned when i have any contact with my own mother.
Solution is simple. I just need to stay away from them.
Fuck i wish it was that simple. I now have jen screaming at me, and her parents are pissed at me. My parents are fuckin history, but does anybody have a solution that will get rid of them that's just shy of killing them?
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