do not mix the word BOAT or SHIP with my wife.

We broke rule number 1 tonight and it was not fun. We headed out to a dinner cruise and it was honestly worse than getting stuck on "small world" at disneyland. (which happens to be the reigning champion of "hell" scenarios in my mind). The packed us in like cattle first onto a shuttle boat. Then the shuttle took us to the dinner boat. Well the shuttle boat was only 10 feet shorter than the dinner boat. We all thought we were getting on something a LOT LARGER. So they feed us drinks and push us to the top deck where we broil in the sun. Bad news for us cause we thought we would be inside in an air conditioned dining room. So... Jen is burning as we can't believe how little space there is to move on the top deck. Jen and I are put at a table with a mother who has been put there cause her husband and 3 kids are taking the table across the walkway, She can't sit with them, so she's stuck with us. Ok bad salad, and then we bail down to the lower deck to get in the shade. This fuckin boat advertises a "gyroscopically stabilized" ride. MY ASS. Jens fuckin green. I finish off a few more drinks. Jen's father checks in on us (for the fuckin 500th time) and tells us our dinner is upstairs waiting for us at our table. (sorry, like we fuckin care) So we head upstairs to look like we're eating. Lets just say the prime rib that i had was about 2 bits of meat and a half pound of fat. So then we just cruise. We wanna get off the fuckin boat, but thats not for another hour. So we sit, and sit and sit. And then when we think it was bad enough... the boat just stops. If a boat is moving, usually its a little more stable. But this dumbass captain just sits and waits outside the harbor. And all we do it bob up and down in the swells. Real nice asshole. Jen is MORE green. So then you figure we're gonna pull into the harbor and they'll let us off. NOPE. that would be too nice. The pull the shuttle boat back up and run the cattle call again. So this time we sit on the shuttle boat waiting for everbody to move from one boat to the other (almost 300 people) and the wind does nothing but blow diesel fumes from both engines into the cabin and on the bow where we are sitting. Most people have their shirts over their faces. So Jen's father blew $500 on a dinner that none of us liked. We're all a little pissed cause we had the best dinner a few nights ago at the Bay Club and it was right around $500 even with a great bottle of wine and all the extras.

Fuck it, you just don't win every time.

We did Honalua bay again at 7AM today and we're gonna do it again tomorrow. I have to say that the only thing that went right was today we saw a sea turtle.