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Monday December 29th 2003 08:14 AM PST

I love getting holiday cards. Everybody sends a picture of themselves and they all end up on the fridge or over the fireplace. Its just something about the holiday season. But then there are people that take the opportunity to catch everybody up about the year. Included with their picture you're sure to find a printed letter that is sure to make anyone puke. first thing... the letter is always printed poorly. They went out to hallmark and got some fuckin cute paper thats got a mess of holiday crap on it. It leaves them with a tiny little space in the middle, but they still insist on cramming 3 pages of crap into it. second thing... these people never fuckin edit. Or they do, but they don't edit the right crap. You know that the one page that you got finally actually must have started out as 4 or 5 pages. They figure its only once a year that they do this, so they've gotta only include the important things. All of it is boring anyway. Third thing... check the order in which they present the items of interest. Always the least favorite son or daughter first. You get filled in on their shit first. Then the next son or daughter (increasing in favoritism until the end). Then there are two options. If the most favorite son or daughter has recently been accepted into college, or graduated, or passed the bar etc. Then the mother and father will take the next two positions and the favorite will take the final position. Now the father and mother will always be in order of, who wrote it, or who's in charge. Fourth and final.... Its all bullshit. These people need to have blogs. If they wrote about their lives all the time they would not try to fill these letters with so much to make themselves look good. Just write a little bit all the time and save us from the avalanche of bullshit once a year.

Comments:

I agree, and feel blogs shall inherit the earth! But, I have to say it's always fun reading some of the dysfunctional letters you get from families too. It makes you scratch your head and wonder WTF? If you have time you should read David Sedaris version of a holiday letter. It's hilarious.

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